What If

A fairly simple piano piece with light instrumentation.

Studio Notes

Hmm. Thought experiments.

What if? What if I could stop this?

What if I didn’t say anything?

What if there were reprisals?

What if I put my mental health at risk?

What if there was no support network for after the ordeal?

All valid thoughts. All eventually had answers.

So far, so good, this month has been great! After dealing with a few unpleasant things over the last few months, this month has been the best in a long time.

I’ve just got back from a brief family visit to England and am now looking into what is probably going to be the most strenuous change of lifestyle since I moved abroad.

RedHeat, June 2004

A man who I knew would still be preying on young boys was found still abusing children but nobody had come forward to do anything about it. Without any evidence, the authorities would not intervene, until I arrived in England, back on the scene. He was sent to trial and then to prison on my testimony.

Take that, you bastard.

This caused so much turbulence in my life, it took many years of help to overcome the trauma of the trial as well as the brutally refreshed memories of the past. The truth is the abuse happened to me and nothing will change that but what I didn’t understand for so long is that I have nothing to feel guilty about. What I did was right.

I am finally at peace.

The piece below is from some time between 2003 and 2004, it took months to set the above in motion, so naturally it reflected in my music. Looking back from 2022 it is clear there is a shy tone of despair in this piece. Just know that everything turned out alright.

A fairly simple piano piece with light instrumentation.

Equipment used:

  • Roland XP60 Synthesiser
  • Emu ESI4000T Digital Sampler
  • Emu Ultra6400 Digital Sampler
  • Unitor AMT8 Midi Patch-bay
  • Terratec 24/96 Audio Interface
  • Cakewalk Pro Audio 9

Cover:

  • Apple iPad Pro 4th Generation
  • Shapr3D iOS CAD – 3D modeling and visualization
  • Procreate iOS – Composition
  • MOLDIV iOS – Post production

Cover Art

Performed By: Redheat

Album UPC: 194171475498

Label: Redheat

Released: 2003

ISRC: ushm21987507

Year: 2003

Genres: Instrumental Piano

Contact

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