Memory Gene

Warning: Rambling

So, what do you think of our new front page? With this website, I am trying to share what it’s like living with my twin flame/spirit by sharing the stuff that Ilona inspires, as well as some of the stuff Ilona is experimenting with making herself, though thats getting difficult because Ilona is now very busy with her crochet projects lol.

We have been together so long and so close now that we can no longer really identify where one individual ends and the other begins, we have been in sync for so long, it can be terrifying.

We had a close shave with loss when one of us got sick with stage 3 cancer, which happened just before the COVID pandemic. Once been bitten by that kind of monster it leaves a really deep scar on both of us. Hopelessness is a valid perspective, but keeping ourselves mentally fit has been priority #1.

Mental Fitness

Prior to the cancer, I’ve been busy with therapeutic activities, council with a professional friend for hire, and the distraction with creativity has been my go-to for getting through the most visceral loneliness living out here as neurodivergent shut-in foreign introvert with crippling untreated ADHD lmao.

But I have always had Ilona at my side, even while completely losing my identity during an ego death that needed genuine professional crisis help- complete with voluntary committal. I KNOW for a fact I wouldn’t be here if Ilona had not let me rescue myself from the darkness, especially because my efforts were getting physical with fast moving traffic. I was given the tools and the permission to allow myself to find my way, my own way forwards.

Unfortunately, I killed someone who used to live in my head in the process, but it had to be done- I archived them into a piece of music so they can’t hurt me anymore *shrug*. Thats why I have a new passport.

Speaking of which- my own handmade traditional bedroom studio-gone-couch music may be absolute shite compared to what other great artists such as my unwilling mentor does- plus with what the AI-enhanced kids are putting out these days, its becoming far too cringe.

The level of automatic music stem stripping and song disassembly of anyone’s material also has consequences for ripping off other artists like never before. I can’t wait to see how creatives handle this one, it’s quite different from genuinely inspired derivative works, from my experiences with it so far, it is more akin to Borg assimilation of your mentor or sources. Fuck That!

But at least my shite will hopefully still exist beyond my corporeal form, buried on a creaky old website hosted in the great coming Consciousphere. To be left in the hands of a royalty-funded trust. This way I hope we can keep at least a small part of the signal I was gifted from my mentor alive for another time and another place.

I warned you it was a ramble.